1. |
Hartford T-Shirt
04:39
|
|||
You had me for a song then decided not to play along
You strung me on a line You get me every time
In your Hartford t-shirt, you know I'll always remember, always remember Your Hartford t-shirt, you know I'll always remember
You said I was hard to read with a tendency to bury the lead
You left me on a porch, but I still carried a torch
For your Hartford t-shirt, you know I'll always remember, always remember Your Hartford t-shirt, you know I'll always remember
In your Hartford t-shirt, you know Your Hartford t-shirt, you know I'll always remember, always remember
|
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2. |
Two Oars in the Water
02:44
|
|||
Woke up Wednesday feeling slowly
The bed was empty, cold, and lonely
Two oars in the water
I guess she wasn’t just saying, baby one of these days
She took the coffee but left the pot
She took my heart and left me a robot
Two oars in the water
She’s gone
Two oars in the water
whatever happened to that carefree farmer’s daughter
that I used to know?
I saw her weeks later in the cereal aisle
I did the alligator but she didn’t smile, she’s got
Two oars in the water
and she’s moving on - to condiments and hot sauce
And then again at the beer cafe
I sang KISS, afternoon karaoke
Two oars in the water she was unimpressed
when I sang Beth
Two Oars in the water
Doing all the things society says you oughta
and I miss you so, I miss you so
She’s making good time but not having the same
I guess I wish I could take back
all the things that made you curse my name
She’s got apps to track objectives
I took a lap past the shack where we used to live
Two oars in the water, now it won’t be long
until I write another love song
I guess I always knew it would end this way
day drinking while she passed the bar today
two oars in the water, she’s moving on
two oars in the water, she’s gone
|
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3. |
Lonely Flower
02:51
|
|||
I see you standing like a lonely flower
Watching the world go by, hour after hour
I’d like to ask you, if I only had the power
If you would dance with me
I’m just a poor boy, never learned the ways
Of etiquette so easy for those properly raised
I eat my dinner on a tv tray
So why take a chance on me
Lonely flower - staring at the floor
Lonely flower - looking for the door
Lonely flower - soft like a mourning dove
I can’t say what brought us here tonight
I don’t believe in fate or planets in alignment
But my daddy told me I would know on sight
If I ever fell in love
So let’s sneak out where we can still hear the band play
No one will notice and no one will see
When the bridge comes, I’ll take your hand and I’ll say
You belong with me
Lovely flower, dancing on the lawn
Lovely flower, loneliness is gone
Lovely flower, c’mon and dance with me
|
||||
4. |
||||
yes i’m the manny mac mouther, a sleep-on-the-coucher
I went to public school, didn’t need a voucher
yeah, I’m a gibberer, I’m an inspiration giver-er
I keep drinking though it’s hard on my liver
now if you wanna roll, just make a fist
well, robble robble let’s see who’s on the guest list
George and wheezy, mayor mccheesy
drinking down dragon toes and making it look easy,
I’m a -- (gibbering mouther)
If you wanna go again my friend you’ve got second wind
so pick up your dice, live laugh lice, and full send
are you in a rage? does it feel so good?
to leave a trail of broken bones and splintered wood
now you back row fighter, sipping on cider
taking hits because your armor is lighter
well move your feet I’m counting beats in boots and britches
collecting riches like a party full of classy bitches
-- (gibbering mouther)
I’m like a mossy griffon my flanks are covered
You’re a waffle house hash brown, scattered and smothered
centipedes and rats, calculate the life drain
a barrel topped wagon ain’t got nothing on the A train
You wanna slay me? you think I’m getting soft?
Come play with me, in the catacombs of Ravenloft
now what the heck You got two holes in your neck
It’s a TPK because you failed your perception check
|
||||
5. |
Paper Towels and Ham
01:00
|
|||
Are you a member of our rewards program?
Save pennies when you purchase paper towels and ham
The line is getting longer
The pressure is getting stronger
How much will you give away?
What are you willing to pay?
|
||||
6. |
Clouds
03:08
|
|||
Half awake on the lawn, by the lake and long gone
maybe nobody will notice
rebus above us you see, no place that I’d rather be
trying to figure why they float
It’s a lazy day laying around
Looking up at the clouds
It’s a Rorschach afternoon in the summer
There’s the General Lee painted by georgia o’keefe
a confederate clitoris
a mechanical bear in a Mondrian square
spring peepers sing a chorus
I move my hand slowly over
feeling lucky lying in the clover
It’s a Rorschach afternoon in the summer
the whole world is falling apart
but i’ve got you and that’s a good start
won’t you take me down
to where the trees grow tall and there’s no one else around
Shastakovich’s fifth
she said it sounds like a Soviet Elliott Smith
it’s a Rorshach afternoon,
and the evening comes too soon
it’s a Rorschach afternoon in the summer
|
||||
7. |
Will Trade
01:02
|
|||
For Sale: one condom, never used
Will trade for some baby shoes
Or a Hallmark card that says get well soon from your Caesarian
Also seeking a PS5
Some escape from adult life
I've got to tell my folks my future wife's a Presbyterian
They say it all happens for a reason so don't flee, son
It's a season as the world turns
I know they're right but I'm scared, I've never felt so unprepared
With so much left to learn
|
||||
8. |
Peace of Mind
04:02
|
|||
she said i’m not leaving you today
I have learned some tricks along the way
knowing when to show your hand and knowing when to hide
and seek the things to keep our peace of mind
I said I’m not leaving, either you said k
I mean it’d still be nice if you tried to make me stay
though I can’t deny there’s times I’d slip
and slide on down the line
but I always knew that you were my peace of mind
peace of mind, peace of mind
You’ve been out wandering for some time
Won’t you come home and
we can make something fine
Instead of stealing my peace of mind
Lone coyote called out late last night
Right before the moon dropped out of sight
My horoscope said hey you dope quit looking for a sign.
just be satisfied with your peace of mind
peace of mind, peace of mind
You’ve been out wandering for some time
Won’t you come home and
we can make something fine
Instead of stealing my peace of mind
|
||||
9. |
Manphibian
01:26
|
|||
10. |
Loving Heart
03:59
|
|||
I remember you laughing
In line at the funeral home
I can still see you drafting
Designs for adventures to come
It's never a good time to start
When everything feels like it's falling apart
Living in the world, trying to keep a loving heart
High on the street after closing time
Look around, there's just lovers, drunks, and thieves
Madeline in red reclined in the den with a lead pipe
And a whiskey sour, what's that say about me
It's never a good time to start
When everything feels like it's falling apart
Living in the world, trying to keep a loving heart
You don't know what's going on with me, and I ain't telling
I would love to be your man, but goddamn, you gotta stop yelling
If I had known how short our time had grown
I would have chosen different jokes to tell
You were never thrown by being alone
Now I'm learning that as well
It's never a good time to start
When everything feels like it's falling apart
Living in the world, trying to keep a loving heart
|
||||
11. |
||||
He came from the fey wild
Looking for a slow child
We caught him pillaging in my village and
Asked him if he could stay awhile
He can cast fireball
And also help with algebra, but that’s not all
The kids quit bullying when they get a look at him
He’s got a calculator and he’s seven feet tall
He’s Zugtork the wizard orc math tutor
Zugtork the wizard orc middle school math tutor
|
||||
12. |
Fireplace
02:25
|
|||
Tonight the snow is falling
Fireplace chimney is drawing
soft strokes across the night sky
just you and me inside
Its been a minute since
we met by accident
me in my Dylan coat
and you wrapped up in Tom Wait’s smoke
If you don’t mind the schmaltz
I’m loving you like Leonard Cohen loves a waltz
And if you don’t me saying, dear
Tonight is everything I asked for this year
It’s so intoxicating
Red wine and comtemplating
What could have been and what might be
The fire is burning brightly
The future is full of questions
Knock one down now here’s the next one
They slowly fill the table
With you here I feel more able
Tomorrow something new
Is waiting there for me and you
We may never get it exactly right
But we’ll always have tonight
Tonight he snow is falling
Fireplace chimney is drawing
Soft strokes across the night sky
Just you and me inside
|
||||
13. |
||||
It wasn’t very long ago
I can still remember how Biz Markie used to sing off key
And every Thursday night I’d find
Markie Post keeping Bull in line
and brushing of John Larroquette's lechery
It’s not just you and it’s not just me
everyone knows these things happen in threes
The Funky Bunch they oughta be concerned about this trilogy
So if Wahlberg dies you heard it here first
The power of the celebrity death curse
But this one feels so specific it’s worse
The week the Markies died
|
||||
14. |
Coffee in the Afternoon
01:12
|
|||
You seem a little down, my friend
I’ve been on that train and back again
Here’s a little something that you can try
To make you happy to be alive
Coffee in the afternoon when you’re morning joe goes too soon
Coffee in the afternoon ‘cause you’ve got a lot of shit to do
|
||||
15. |
||||
My bags were packed and sitting on the floor
Key Largo, Key Largo
Bought the tickets before I knew the score
to Key Largo, Key Largo
She said I do not love you anymore
I’ve got another man that in Baltimore
You’ve always been la soup d’jour now there’s the door
Lord, that’s strange cargo, strange cargo
So my guitar got to ride in a window seat
Key Largo, Key Largo
I’m drinking for two in the honeymoon suite
Key Largo, Key Largo
Now everything I’ve ever been told
About this place was from FM gold
Bogey and Bacall had it all
But what I’ve got is umbrella drinks last call
Made with mango, strange cargo
So fuck off Bertie Higgins I’m not wiggin I just call it as I see it, you hack
I’m not arguing my experience is universal but when I called her and played your song she said she never wanted me back
The cats there have six toes
win Key Largo, Key Largo
ith cat incest that’s just the way it goes
in Key Largo, Key Largo
Well I’ve been here about 7 months
Never saw a regular-toed feline once
Maybe there’s a lesson in that, or maybe a cat is just a cat
And maybe I should head back home
Or someplace new like Detroit or Rome
But every time i try to leave
That barmaid has got some new shit up her sleeve
Now I’m throwing up in the men’s room stall
There's a mango, strange cargo
She holds my hair and says, baby you had it all
In Key Largo, Key Largo, Key Largo
|
||||
16. |
Diamond in the Rough
02:35
|
|||
Can you hear it?
It’s a hammer and a nail
Water leaking in a pail
It’s what’s brought you here today
Can you hang drywall
It’s much harder than it looks
And if you don’t like reading books
Let Neil show you the way
It’s a diamond in the rough
When you’re living in a run-down hut
Or find a place that makes your face
Feel like you could fix it up
It’s a diamond in the rough
Let’s sink a fence post
Got to keep those chickens in
Or a turkey or a hen
Raising poultry ‘cross the land
Protective eyewear
protects your eyes when you wear it
So if you have an extra, share it
put ‘em on and take my hand
It’s a diamond in the rough…
Counter, you’ll have a backsplash soon
Hey man, can I crash here
At least until my bathroom’s done
I swear I’m not some kind of bum
Let Neil show you the way (fade out)
|
||||
17. |
||||
It's been a long, long year
I'm so happy to find you here
It's been a hard go round
We're still standing on solid ground
On the other side of midnight
I will find you in the moonlight
We can hold on this moment in time
I don't know where we're going
I do know that two is better than one
Together we're better facing whatever we'll find
On the other side of midnight
I have loved you all this time
Through the Ramen and the wine
We have been through some peaks and valley
You know I still do love you madly
On the other side of midnight
I will find you in the moonlight
We can hold on this moment in time
I don't know where we're going
I do know that two is better than one
Together we're better facing whatever we'll find
On the other side of midnight
|
||||
18. |
Close Calls
01:00
|
|||
Old man in his robe and socks
Sits alone on a fishing dock
He's got nothing to prove
He's got nothing to do
Big fish swimming past
Remembers a time when that old man would try and catch his ass
Now that line won't even cast
Nothing to do at all
But sit around telling stories 'bout close calls
|
||||
19. |
14 Words
03:09
|
|||
If I only had 14 words
I’d say I love you 4 times and two thirds
You say love, Only words
you say love two times and four thirds
I say i love you, you say only words
I say only you, you say love times two
Only words, only love
|
||||
20. |
Drive Thru Bride
03:09
|
|||
She said welcome home
I felt it to my bones and consequently I
was susceptible to upsell
her intoxicating meat smell
(made me) thirstier than I recognized
would you like to supersize
it’s not advertised
but i can see it in your hungry eyes
I asked if she could give me
the difference quantitatively
between medium and large fries
She told me to pull around
I ordered burgers by the quarter pound
some with cheese and some 2-ply
now my heart was supersized
McRib cage full of butterflies
thinking bout my drive thru bride
First they wanted my currency
order confirmation and pleasantries
The second window half a world away
And when I broke loose from there
So nervous to introduce myself
They said my girl was gone, on her break
So I just sat and cried
couldn’t put the car in drive
Imagine my suprise
When through my tears I saw her
She was vaping on the corner
exactly eight feet from the door
She walked over and leaned low
breathing in my window
She asked about my order
would you like to take a ride
and be my drive thru bride
she said i get off work at nine
|
||||
21. |
Melbourne on my Mind
03:08
|
|||
I am awake for the first time today
Even though it’s evening where you are
Might seem half-baked but I’ll say it anyway
I miss riding shotgun in that Cavalier supercar
Now you’re going to be a dad, it’s true
Never thought I’d ever say that to you
Evidently love is blind (and I’ve got)
Melbourne on my mind
I am awake and I watch the news
I try to keep abreast of situations
Now Earth has got them ol’ pandemic blues
I’d like to change the world but I can’t change the station
Too many commentators are everyday potatoes
Internet headline fakers, alt-right snowflake haters
I wish we could be more kind
I’ve got Melbourne on my mind
I hope that the kid
Gets your wife’s looks and cool accent but your wit
And when she’s old enough to know
I will tell her how you stole my Zoso
I am awake for the last time today
In the dark wondering where we go from here
I need a break but I can’t look away
Wide-eyed and holding on to hope that love will conquer fear
My mind is better knowing that your family is growing
I think everything will turn out fine
I’m sitting here in Rensselaer with Melbourne on my mind
Yeah I’m stuck inside of Rensselaer with Melbourne on my mind
|
||||
22. |
Things That Float
02:06
|
|||
the night I was born
the eye of the storm
how high’s the water, mama
and when I came of age
Left of center stage
Trying to avoid the drama
hold on to things that float
that give you hope
make you leave the kitchen light on
move out of the past
we know that nothing lasts
everyday we choose to fight on
Last night, I saw your friend,
tried to pretend
that I wasn’t asking about you
It was awkward though
Trying not to show
I’m still learning to live without you
hold on to things that float
that give you hope
make you leave the kitchen light on
move out of the past
we know that nothing lasts
everyday we choose to fight on
|
||||
23. |
||||
I’m out here 500 miles from my car
By plane it seems close but by foot it feels far
I’m not sick but I’m tired I’m hungry and sore
what’s that sound oh good lord it’s a boar
Hey hey John Muir I know that you know
the mountains are calling so hiking I go
Started in Georgia northbound to Maine
By sections I reckon in the sun and the heat and the heights and the rain
Here’s to Benton Mckay and Bill Bryson too
the volunteers that helped clear whats under my boot
to the balds and the boulders, shelters and springs
to privys and ticks, the gnats and bee stings
To the coyotes and ponies and rattlers and snails
to the bears and their cubs that travel these trails
To the kindness of strangers and freshness of springs
To the constant conversations bout Lord of the Rings
I’m up and I’m down I’m hot and I’m cold
I’m feeling thankful these mountains are old
I’m down and I’m up, I’m cold and I’m hot
I’m feeling lucky for the time I’ve got
|
||||
24. |
Mountain Time
07:27
|
|||
When all of the world starts dreaming
A nocturnal ticket to ride
The voice in your head starts streaming
The home movies of your mind
I'm back country Appalachia
Bear bags all hung on the line
Nobody is looking for fact checks
Just white blazes painted on pine
Please don't wake me up tomorrow
Please don't wake me up at all
Please don't wake me up tomorrow
I'm doing fine, I'm on mountain time
Wandering hardwood museums
Take me back into the green
The man wrapped in flags cannot see them
He's blinded by his own scene
Please don't wake me up tomorrow
Please don't wake me up at all
Please don't wake me up tomorrow
I'm doing fine, I'm on mountain time
|
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